The following is the first chapter of Rob's newest book Unlocking Yourself:

We go through life trying to figure out what other people should do to change their lives. It is easier to do that than to look at our selves. It takes courage to look at us and address our own challenges and deep secrets. We all have past hurts and past thoughts that hold us back today. For me it is commitment in relationships. It is easier to walk away from past hurt and cover up the hurt with miles between us and lose communication. It is easier to blame the other person for my own decisions. I am the only one that makes the ultimate decisions in my life.

You are 50% of the process of how anything goes in a friendship or relationship. When we first meet other people we look for only the good in them. Then aftertime we loose focus on what attracted us to the person. We slowly look for everything that bothers us about that person. We start looking for things that annoy us instead of what we like about our mates or friends. We focus on what we don't like and on things to be mad about towards our mates or friends. It is easier to look for faults in somebody rather than strengths. Everybody wants people to think and act in accordance with their ideas and philosophies.

Our ego keeps us judging, characterizing and categorizing people. People want people to fit into their mode of thinking about ideas, issues and philosophies. The ego always wants to make us think we are right about everything. You see somebody walking down the street wearing different clothes than you or talking with an accent and you immediately think discouraging thoughts about that person. September 11, 2001 is a good example how we think about a certain nationality of people with out really getting to know the person first. People love to draw conclusions before they get the answers.

Deciding to look at our own past hurts brings a new strength and enlightment to opening our heart to new beginnings. Our thought processes and issues of the past shape our thought processes and issues we have today. With the ego in control of your life you are kept focused on what is wrong in your life rather than all the good that can come into your life. By not addressing our past it keeps the future on hold. We focus on things we don't want more than on the things we do want. Our true strengths are empowered by our learning processes from our past issues and past thoughts.

Our ego controls our lives by limiting our open mindedness to think unlimited thoughts. Our ego finds new and innovative ways to change our lives. Our ego likes to make us the victims. Our ego wants us to think we are more important than we really are. Our ego causes us to look at other people differently than us. Our ego makes us think that we are better than another person or to look down at other people. The ego is a protective mechanism we use to stay safe in our safe zone. Our ego keeps us safe and in the same thought processes that we have used all of our lives. Our ego creates limitations in our minds that make us think we can't change our lives. Our own thought processes create our own limitations in our life.

The ego creates enemies to make us think we are safe and in control from anybody or anything in the universe. Actually the ego creates barriers by closing ourselves off to our higher selves and other people.

First impressions do matter, however we don't know the circumstances in which the other person has had in their life that day. First impressions are important, while withholding judgment until you know the other person for a while. Our ego is looking for an edge over everybody we come in contact with to feel protected or superior. People are taught through out their lives that they need to know more be faster, and think they are better than the other person. The thought process keeps us from being a student, teacher and leader in our lives. The ego keeps us from opening up to learn everything we can and to be the leaders in this world we were sent here to be.

We create our images of people before we ever meet them and immediately we try to figure out what the person is all about instead of waiting letting the person express himself/herself. Once we judge a person right or wrong that image of that person stays with us until we change our thought process about that person. The images of people we create when we first meet them stays with us even when we make unfair judgments. Our thought processes can cloud our minds in allowing a person to express themselves in their own words. When we were in school and we gave an answer and it was just a few words different that what the teacher was looking for, the teacher said his/her answer was wrong. There are no right or wrong answers only opinions on what is right or wrong.

Allowing other people to express themselves and acknowledging who they are at that present moment is living from the inside out. Opinions and thoughts are ways of communication to reach a common ground to grow together or to help the universe in a positive way. The first words out of your or my mouth when somebody has a different opinion or idea is that idea or opinion is wrong or won't work. Instead of opening a dialogue we immediately start arguing or getting angry because our ego says "it is my way or the highway". It is easier to argue than reach an idea that will work for everybody. I am guilty of this because in my ego mind I had to be right. Having to be right all the time is the ego keeping us safe.

It is easier to criticize, condemn or complain about other people than to look at our own habits. People are creatures of habit. We have learned throughout our lives from people, society, and the news media our social skills. We think as long as we are talking about other people nobody is looking at our habits and faults. As we are pointing out other people's faults we are actually pointing out our own faults and habits that we don't want to look at in ourselves. Our habits, thought processes, past and our faults are things about ourselves we don't want to admit we have. Our ego makes us think we don't have any challenge only other people have challenge in their life.

Gossiping about other people in today's society is harmful, degrading and wrong. By passing on gossip about others you are actually asking for bad things to manifest in your life. The greater things you say about other people the greater things manifest in your own life. Expressing good things towards others is the strength that comes from living from the inside out. Authentically meaning you wish other to be more successful than our own selves means only good things to manifest in our own lives. We manifest in our own lives what we sow by our thoughts, actions and words we that express in the universe.

The shadows that we have a fear of addressing inside us are actually hidden strengths to carry us forward in living a fulfilled life spiritually, physically and mentally. The more we look into ourselves and look at our own issues, the more our inner self shines into the universe. We all like to think our shadows are not very deep however they control us through the ego. Our ego creates our safe haven by telling us only other people have hidden scars and hidden issues. The more issues and challenge we see in others the more deep secret shadows we have inside us. It takes courage to look at our own secret shadows and address them. I know. I am looking at one of mine now called making a commitment. I will discuss this in the third chapter called Commitment.

Taking ownership of our good and bad points is major breakthrough. Once you take ownership, the issue or good point becomes strength in our life. Letting go of having to be perfect all the time really helps us over come our shadows in our lives. By admitting you don't have to be perfect in your life and allowing yourself not to be perfect you open up to living and having fun. All of our lives we are taught we have to be perfect. That thinking process keepsus locked inside ourselves and in the same outdated thought patterns. Allow yourself to make mistakes. When you make a mistake, say "I did make a mistake and I learned from it", then move on in an empowering way.

There are several techniques to use to help us look at our own shadow. Here is one technique to use:

Sit down with a pen, paper and mirror. The purpose of the mirror is to look deep into your eyes and soul to get to bottom of the issue. By allowing yourself to make a mistake you allow others to make mistakes without being judged, criticized without being ridiculed. On top of the paper write on one side of the paper, "This is what I like about myself". On the other side write "This is what I don't like about myself".

This technique will allow you to have a starting place in your life to discover who you are at this present moment. As you go through this process and become aware, the things about other people that you either liked or disliked will come to the surface for you. Pay close attention to the qualities in other people that you like or dislike because they are your issues or good points. What ever pushes your buttons from other people are our own secret shadows that we don't want to deal with.

Our own thoughts processes create perception of people. How would it feel to look for the good points in people rather than the bad points? People love to look for weakness or bad points in their friends, new acquaintances, family members, and fellow employees.

Here is another technique to use to help change your thought processes about people:

At night write down five-ten things you enjoyed about people that day and also write down five to ten things you loved about your spouse that day. Change your thought processes from looking for bad things in people to looking for their good points and what can I learn from this person.

Everybody enters your life for a reason. You will begin to look for people's strengths and good points to help you move your life forward in a positive manner. I have done this technique in my life. It does change your thought processes in time. Personal change doesn't happen overnight it takes time.

Our thought processes create the quality of life at in the present moment. The better you think about other people the better you think about your self. The way you think about other people is the way you think about yourself. The more open minded you are about other people the more open minded you are to changing your thought processes to have a positive attitude in your own life. The only one who can change your thought processes about other people is you. The quality of your thought processes about other people is the quality of life you are living in your own life.

Affirmations to change your thought processes:

• I choose to love myself unconditionally even with my issues.
• I choose to love everybody and everything in the universe unconditionally.
• It is okay for me to make mistakes.
• I choose to have fun everyday in everyway.
• Everyday in everyway I get better and better.
• I choose to live from the inside out in the present moment from a wide-open heart easily, effortlessly continuously everyday in everyway under grace in a perfect way.

How can Cowboy Wisdom Coaching support you today?